If you are a serious student of the book of Proverbs, you know there is a wealth of wise counsel and great advice found in these 31 chapters. Four proverbs in particular talk about the wisdom people and leaders receive when they humble themselves to listen to the constructive criticism from others.
If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise – (15:31). To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry – (25:12). In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery – (28:23). These three proverbs have a common element of being able to seek, listen for and accept constructive criticism. Simply stated, people who are secure in themselves will welcome constructive criticism as a way to continue learning and growing, while insecure people will resist such valuable nuggets. Insecure people may get defensive or offer any number of excuses rather than just listening to constructive criticism. We can learn a great deal from others, including the perception that others have of us as leaders. We may disagree with these perceptions, or not be aware of them at all. Yet, if these perceptions are what others view as facts regarding our behaviors, intentions, attitudes or motives, then we are wise to pay attention to them.
These three proverbs also speak of the value received in hearing constructive criticism. In one case, you will be “at home among the wise” – that holds significant value. In another verse, valid criticism is likened to jewelry that holds high value. In the last proverb, honest criticism is valued higher than what we receive when others point out our good points through flattery. So there is real value in listening for and accepting valid, honest and constructive criticism. Yes, it may be difficult or sometimes painful to listen to what others have to say to us. Nevertheless, the value received far out weighs the difficulty or pain. How would you rate yourself in listening for and accepting criticism? Do you value it as much as the writers of Proverbs have suggested?
Proverbs 29:1 says, “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.” To be “destroyed beyond recovery” is a scary thought. This is what will happen to those who “stubbornly refuse to accept criticism.” According to Sam Chand, a former pastor and university president,”It’s hard to work with somebody who has the attitude that he or she is right and everybody else is wrong. So for me, if somebody doesn’t have the attitude of self-improvement or self-criticism, I can’t really work with that person.” Sam is really echoing the advice given in this proverb. In other words, if, because of their attitude someone refuses to listen to or acknowledge criticism because they feel they are always right, they will be destroyed – people will not want to work with them or for them and they will no longer be in a position to lead others.
Leaders must be secure enough to want to hear such valuable insight that constructive criticism can provide. Using a 360 degree feedback tool or having a coach work with a leader is important for their growth. Being secure indicates that the leader has a strong amount of self-confidence, without being arrogant about it. This requires humility and a willingness to listen to others input of what you are doing and how you are behaving.
Warren Bennis has said that “The (organizational) cultures that are the most toxic are those where nobody knows the truth or is talking about it. Toxic cultures are those where there usually isn’t that degree of openness. And they can’t be transparent about everything but there are too many examples of companies failing where there’s been a lack of transparency.” Sounds to me like the leaders of those cultures do not promote the value of listening for and accepting constructive criticism.
What do you think?
"Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish." (Proverbs 18:13 NLT) This is a very insightful proverb and one that I often use even in secular environments. The key message here is to fully listen for all the facts before responding to someone. When we are in listening mode, we are the recipient of the communication. When we “spout off” it can be a sign that we are not listening to the speaker.
Spouting off might begin with a phrase such as, “Yeah, but…” Spouting off is usually a sign that you think your side of the story is more important than the other person’s side, or that what you have to say is more important or relevant that what the other person has to say. You are so intent on telling your side that you are not showing genuine care or concern for the other person. This leads to behavior Solomon calls “both shameful and foolish.”
When we respond before all the facts are spoken, we look like fools and our behavior is not endearing to the other person. As receivers of information we are instructed to fully listen to what is being said and to listen for understanding.
Listening before responding is sometimes a very hard habit to create; yet it is one that will have significant payoffs. As a leader, you do not have to think that you know it all – as a matter of fact, those kind of leaders are viewed as arrogant and not at all servant-leaders.
Tell us some ways that you practice listening before responding.
This verse is from James 5:12. A related verse comes from Matthew 5:37 from Jesus Himself. As Christian leaders, this means that we are to be different in our communication. When we make a commitment, we are to ensure that we are doing all we can to carry out that commitment and live up to it. Intentions and plans are useless in commitments unless we actually achieve what we promised. How many times as Christians do we respond to a request saying that we will “think and pray about it” when we really have no intention to consider the request, much less pray about it.
Some of us do this to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings, or to avoid actually making a commitment to do something we really don’t want to do. Vendors and service providers hear this often from Christian clients. James commands us to be fully honest in our responses. If we have no interest, just say so. If we do have interest, but need more information, or have to seek the approval of someone else, just say so.
The Pharisees said one thing and did another, and Jesus was quick to point out that they were hypocrites. Jesus knew His every move was being watched by the religious crowd. They wanted to catch Him not practicing what He was preaching so they could then spread negative commentary and damage His reputation. He knew His actions needed to match His words. We must also follow this approach.
What examples do you have of practicing this command?
Why do we read one book, but let another sit on the nightstand for days? Why do we start counting the recessed lights in the conference room when one leader speaks, but really engage when another speaks on the same subject? Why do people walk out of your office after a long meeting and do exactly the opposite of what you just talked about? Communication.
Effective leaders know how, when and why to communicate. They understand that all the performance, action and results that those under their authority obtain must begin with communication.
Most effective leaders spend considerable time thinking carefully and critically about the purpose of their message and how best to communicate that message to their audience, be it an audience of one or 1,000. They deliberately craft their message in terms their audience will understand, even if it means communicating in a style different than their own. They think carefully about the timing of their communication.
God was perfectly clear in His communication. During creation, He communicated what He wanted, and it happened exactly as He said. In communicating to the first man and woman, He spoke clearly (eat anything you want except from the one tree that I have clearly identified) and provided the outcome of disobedience (if you do, you will surely die). Clear communication prevents misunderstanding.
Effective leaders communicate clearly, concisely and in a manner that people can connect to a purpose. To paraphrase an old adage, leaders who fail to plan their communication are planning for their communication to fail.
In my recently published book, Chapter 4 deals with this whole topic of communication. There is a discussion on communication styles and a quick quiz to assess the communication style that is most natural for you. The chapter also provides tips for dealing with different communication styles. When you can make these adjustments, you will be more successful in delivering your message as it is intended. You can order it by clicking HERE.
Communication | billbliss | 
November 2, 2009 7:12 am | 
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